35 and Single - The Truth

1989 was a LONG time ago, let’s be real. The scroll to find my birth year? long too, by my standards anyways. It’s not that I think I’m old, I’m not but I do have a hyper awareness of time passing that I didn’t have before, I think this is common in your 30’s.

We look at our lives, the lives of our peers, our desires, societial pressure, the often deafening tic of the biological clock in the background and we think God, when ?

Family members ask if you have met anyone, the gynaecologist asks what are your plans?

Are my eggs even ok in there? Stay strong guys! and the dating pool ? A constant reminder to walk by faith and not sight.

Yes, Sarah was 90 when she God blessed her with Isaac, A resounding yes for the principle of faith, our God is faithful and works miracles, HELL NO for being 90 years old with a new born baby. That’s not my portion.

A little about Me

I have a past. A colourful one. Don’t we all? I mean, I wasn’t persecuting and killing Christians but I sure wasn’t out fishing when Jesus found me and made me His disciple. And, since coming to Christ I’ve had to release alot of the shame I carried to fully walk in my new identity.

Sometimes I’m still tempted to think that I’m single because I’m being punished for my old lifestyle. I know that’s not my Father’s heart towards me.

If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! ( Matthew 7:11 NKJV )

But the fact is, I was living my life on my terms, outside the will of God. Could my promise have been delayed because of my rebellion and disobedience? It sure could.

I also see it as grace at work, the broken version of me would never have been able to steward the blessing that marriage is, especially having been a stranger to the vulnerability a stable relationship requires.

I didn’t know love so how could I offer it to another being God created? Like any good parent, He wouldn’t give me something that would destroy me and someone else, perpetuating generational curses.

It was protection, is protection and as I grow in love, the real kind, the sacrificial kind, my ability to steward a beautiful gift, also grows. As I am healed and restored my capacity to mirror this love to someone else, grows.

It’s Okay.

To see people getting married and want that for yourself.

To see engagement posts, wedding photos, baby announcements and feel some type o way, because you want that.

To feel that like you’re ready and God is taking long.

To wonder when you’re time will come.

Your feelings are valid. God sees them. He sees your heart and hears your prayers.

He who did not spare [even] His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things? ( Romans 8 : 32 NKJV )

It’s Not Okay

To feel like you are not worthy of what you are praying for.

To feel like your past disqualifies you.

To make negative declarations over your life ( “It will never happen for me or I’m just the rich aunty” )

Not to be happy for others being blessed the way you want to be.

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. ( Ephesians 2 : 10 NKJV )

The Wait, Your Choice

Waiting can be not fun, painful even. We know all the scriptures, that as we wait He will renew our strength, we will mount up on wings like eagles and most famously, THE scripture for singles. Isaiah 60:22 - In the right time, I the Lord will make it happen.

Scriptures can sometimes feel like cliche but it’s the truth. He is the one that makes it happen, and it doesn’t outside of its appointed season.

Though it seems like nothing is happening, He is working in you and for you.

He is :

• preparing you, healing you, molding you, pruning you so you can be the version of you, your dream will require.

• He may also be doing the same for your spouse to be.

• Putting things in place, moving parts around, clearing your path.

Most importantly, He is orchestrating everything in a way that will bring Him the most glory. Marriage is ministry, not an escape from singleness.

Also, you have a choice. Not wait, create it on your own, settle for less than what He has told you in His word you deserve. Sarah didn’t wait for her promise, she doubted God and took matters into her own hands, this birthed Ishmael.

What is birthed in a counterfeit situation, which is anywhere outside of the will of God, will always fight the promise when it manifests. The Ishmaelites ( descendants of Ishmael ) and the Isrealites ( descendants of Isaac ) are still fighting in the Middle East to this day.

I look at it this way, i’ve been doing relationships my way my whole life, all I have to show for it is pain, heartbreak, wasted time and energy. Since I want something different, I have to do something different.

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. ( Matthew 6 : 33 NKJV ).

It’s really that simple. Seeking implies a consistent pursuit in order to uncover or discover, I’d like to hope we are seeking but what are we seeking first, meaning primarily, above everything? Is it God and His way of life or is it our desires?

Since we are trying to unlock a door, doesn’t it make sense to just use the key ?

He hears you, sees your heart. Truth is, in order to give us exceedingly, abundantly more than we ask, think, imagine or are able to conceive, He needs time. We also need time. Time to become.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. ( Hebrews 10 : 23 NKJV )

For His Glory,

Raynya.

Welcome to the Narrow Path

Walk with me ?